I know I really haven’t been posting a lot the past few weeks. School started again, I’m trying to transfer to a different college and I’ve had some personal things going on. I have also been thinking about what I wanna do here on social media, what kind of content I want to put out there and what I want to do with my life in general.
Now, you should know that I’m a perfectionist. If I do something, I want to do it right. Especially when it’s in public (aka on social media like this blog) I want to make sure that what I use my voice for is good and informative and entertaining. I’ve wanted to start being more active on social media for a couple of years now but never really had the courage to actually do so, until I started my blog in January. Ever since then I’ve been trying out different things, different kinds of blog posts, I have created a makeup Instagram account (if you want to check it out, click here) because I have been trying to find my spot in this online world and what suits me best.
There was one thing I never really tried on my own, mainly because I was scared of other people judging me: and that was Youtube videos. A lot of people these days think that there are too many people on Youtube, it seems like everybody is trying to be someone on Youtube and I do see where people are coming from. Some of my friends are Youtubers (or former Youtubers) and I have been in some of their videos before, so it’s not like I’ve never ever tried it at all. I first had this whole Youtube idea when I was only 13 years old but I have always been too scared to be judged, too afraid of messing it up or even being hated on. But I have gone through a couple of things in the past months that made me realize: We only have this one life. There won’t be a second chance. So we might as well try out as many things as we can and live life to the fullest so we won’t have any regrets in the end. And f*** what others think as long as YOU’RE happy. So I tried it, I set up my camera and filmed a makeup tutorial. Well, it was harder than expected, but it was fun! So I filmed more and more. I posted a couple of videos on Youtube and never really told anyone, not even my best friend. I wanted to try it first to be sure that it’s what I want to do instead of making a huge announcement and then not sticking to it in the end, you know? I keep getting new ideas and half of them aren’t even realistic to create (at the moment) just because I don’t have tons of equipment. But what also happened was: I ran out of ideas for my blog because I was putting all of those into my videos. For a while, I tried to do both but ever since school started I realized if I want to keep putting good content out there, content that I would enjoy as well, then I’m gonna have to choose one of the two.
I realized that I find it easier to express myself through a video. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved writing blog posts and it definitely has its advantages but I have decided that for me personally a video gives me more freedom and more room to actually be who I am and also to show people who I am. I’m a very talkative (and sometimes sarcastic) person and that’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that this would be the best decision for me. I don’t want to keep posting on my blog on a regular basis just to post something because I know the quality wouldn’t be as good anymore if I tried to focus on both and that’s not what I want. I also don’t want to double post and basically post the same stuff on my blog as I post on my channel. And above all, I don’t want to have any regrets anymore. I feel like I have been thinking about Youtube for years and I’ve always had so much fun filming videos and editing them and I never fully admitted it to myself because I didn’t want to be part of that mainstream flow. But screw that. I won’t be part of the mainstream flow because I’m me and I intend on posting content that I personally support and enjoy and that I would even watch myself. I want to and I’m going to stay true to myself. So screw anyone who says that you shouldn’t do something because it’s ”mainstream” or ”basic” because it’s not as long as you stay true to yourself and do what you want to do. And if I don’t do this now I probably never will.
Now, this is not the ”death” of my blog. I am going to keep it and I might post every once in a while, all I want to tell you guys is why I didn’t post and won’t be posting as much anymore because even though I don’t have millions of followers I do appreciate the ones I have and I feel like you deserve an explanation. Because like I said, if I do something, I wanna do it right. Also, in fact my channel is like a video version of my blog because I will be posting the exact same content on my channel. The only difference is that you won’t read it but watch it instead! So this is not a goodbye at all, it’s basically just moving from one city to another.
I still want to thank everyone who read my blog posts on a regular basis and who showed me love and support. And I hope you’ll still support me on my channel as well 🙂
If you’d like to check it out, my name on Youtube is simply ”esther” (here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIe1pBAK5EPs1a5-0cEelCw?view_as=subscriber ) and if you like my stuff on there or if you even have ideas, questions or things I can improve please let me know (either on Youtube or on here). And of course I’d be very happy if you subscribed to me so we can still communicate and follow each other’s blog’s/lives!
I’m not gonna make any guarantees and promises about where this video thing is gonna go, I’m not gonna say that I will be the next big Youtuber (that would be quite naive to say) and I just hate feeling forced to do something that’s just my hobby and something I wanna try at the moment. But for now it’s a great outlet for me, it’s something I really enjoy doing and we will see where the journey takes us!
Thank you guys for understanding and I hope I’ll see you over there!