Saying goodbye to my teenage years

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February 24, 2018

20.

I honestly thought that day would never come but in the end it came faster than expected. I’m officially not a teenager anymore. A lot of people think birthdays like the 18th birthday or the 21st birthday are the only important ones, but to me 20 is the real milestone. Saying goodbye to my teenage years is bitter sweet. It means I have to say goodbye to my childhood, I have to accept the fact that I am part of the adult world now and there’s no going back. As a teenager you’re half child and half grown up. If you feel sad and insecure, you can be a child and find a shoulder to cry on. If you want to try new stuff or go on adventures on your own, you can be a grown up who’s responsible and confident. There always seems to be an excuse for your behavior. Pretty much anything you do is somewhat okay and understandable.

But turning 20 isn’t just about goodbyes. In my twenties I’m going to actually start living my own life. I’m gonna make decisions that are gonna have a great impact on me, my friends, my family and my future. I will be going places I’ve never been to before. I will continue to grow as a person and in my relationship. I will find out what it’s like to get my first apartment, what it’s like to move in with my boyfriend, maybe even what it’s like to get engaged and marry. By the end of my twenties I might even know what it’s like to become a mom. All of these things are once in a lifetime experiences and I can’t wait to see where life is gonna take me. And I mean, who says I can’t act like a child every once in a while ( in fact, Mitchell and my mom will assure you that I am a baby 80% of the time)? ‘Cause that’s the nice thing about being 20: You can do whatever the f*** you want. You can be whoever the f*** you want.

But let’s stop talking about the next 10 years and focus on the next year. I have a few goals that I want to achieve until I am turning 21. 20 is gonna be about me figuring out what I want to do with my life, what and where I want to be later on. 20 is gonna be about me staying motivated, in college, fitness, this blog and my other hobbies. 20 is gonna be about traveling. 20 is gonna be about getting rid of all the negative people in my life. 20 is gonna be about not giving any f**** anymore. 20 is gonna be about me, my dreams and my goals. Me doing me. But above all, 20 is gonna be about finding true happiness again. Life has brought me down a lot in the past few months. As many of you know, I lost my amazing dad in December 2017. He left a big hole in my heart that no one will ever be able to fill again. The sadness and the pain I feel because of this loss is overwhelming sometimes. And at times, I’m wondering if there’s ever gonna be a time again when I’m truly, genuinely and 100% happy again. And I want the answer to be ”yes”. That is my main goal this year.

Milestones can be exciting and terrifying at the same time. To be in the middle of being a teenager and an adult isn’t always easy. Finding your true self isn’t easy. There’s gonna be ups and downs, it’s gonna be a rollercoaster ride, but in the end that’s what’s gonna make you you.

So here’s to an amazing 20th birthday! Amazing friends and family! An amazing boyfriend! To an amazing life that we should all cherish and be thankful for as long as we have it. Life is short, so let’s all make the most of it.

To everyone who is part of my life, who is always there for me, who loves and cares about me: Thank you.

Love, Esther

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8 thoughts on “Saying goodbye to my teenage years

  1. Well first, Happy birthday! I hope this year brings you nothing but love and everything you want from this year. This was very heartfelt and really liked this a lot, I’m sorry for your lost, but I know that you will have a great year and your dad would be so happy for you. much love, Ari. ❤️😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And Im so sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like and its just horrible. Unfortunately I cant even tell you “it will get better eventually” but Im not there yet either. But I wanna make the most of this year and I know you can do it too! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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