Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
Because today is Love-Day I figured I’d tell you a little bit about my not so normal relationship.
My amazing boyfriend Mitchell and I met in 2016 during my Au Pair year in Pittsburgh. We spent a few awesome months together, the best months of my life! But we always knew that I was gonna leave and go back to Germany eventually. Now it’s 2018 and we’re still doing great, probably better than ever before.
How do they see each other? How do they manage to actually keep the relationship alive? How do they deal with missing each other constantly? What are their long term plans? – These are probably some of the questions that just popped up in your head and I’m about to tell you how you can make a long distance relationship work!
So if you’re in a similar situation with your significant other or you just can’t believe that some people are actually doing this, keep reading.
1. Facetime, iMessage/WhatsApp and Social Media are your best friends.
We are all very lucky to be living in the 21st century where you don’t have to wait for weeks to receive a letter from your lover who just so happens to live on the other side of the big pond. Mitchell and I text every day and we try to Facetime 3-4 times a week. Of course this can’t make up for the fact that you’re not together at the moment, but it is a great alternative and it helps you stay in touch and to not lose that ”spark” (if yanno what I mean). Some LDR (Long Distance Relatinship) couples, us included, have to deal with a time difference unfortunately which is why your schedule will be very different from your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s schedule. Sometimes you’re gonna have to make sacrifices and either stay up late to talk to them or get up a little earlier, but you can make it work! There are 6 hours between Mitchell and I and I think we’ve been doing a pretty good job so far (right, Mitchell? 😛 )
2. Try to take turns visiting each other or maybe even meet in the middle.
Now, of course I know that some people might not financially be able to do that, other people might not have the time. If you share the cost for the plane ticket, even though only one of you is traveling, you might be able to afford trips like that more often. Always make sure you’re not traveling during summer break or other peak times because the tickets will be A LOT more expensive. I recently booked a plane ticket for only 500€ roundtrip, you can’t beat that! Another good idea is to try to meet up somewhere. Mitchell and I have been thinking about traveling to Iceland because the flights are less expensive. But you do have to keep in mind that you will have to spend money on a hotel or AirBnB as well.
3. You have to be fully committed and dedicated to make it work.
This is probably one of the main reasons why some LDRs don’t work out, especially when you’re still very young. Dating someone who’s thousands of miles away is definitely a challenge BUT it is possible as long as you’re dedicated and also somewhat passionate and disciplined. Even though a lot of people tend to say ”It just didn’t work out because of the distance” I do not think that’s true and it’s mostly just an easy thing to say. Yes, the distance sucks, the time difference sucks as well but if you truly love that person and you want to have a future with them, you’re going to make it work no matter what. If you’re young and you’re not 100% sure yet if you can actually see yourself being with that person for a long time, or if you just wanna have fun: Don’t do it. Don’t start a LDR if you’re not willing to give 100% and to basically make your life revolve around them and when you get to talk to or see them. You’ll only be frustrated and heartbroken in the end.
4. Keep in mind that negative feelings are normal and okay.
No relationship is perfect. Having doubts is normal. Being frustrated is okay. These things happen in ”normal” relationships as well. You only have to remind yourself why you’re doing all this in the end, you can’t let the feelings that you have right now affect your whole entire relationship in the long run. But I know, it’s not always that easy. On top of ”normal” relationship issues you also have to deal with missing your significant other 24/7. Literally 24/7. It sucks, yes, but you know what? It also makes you even more excited to see them again and it makes the time that you are able to spend together even more wonderful.
5. Don’t let anyone stop you or judge you.
Oh trust me, I’ve heard a lot of things like ”why are you even doing this” or ”this won’t work out anyways” before. And it did upset me in the past but not anymore because I know what Mitchell and I have, I know that we have a goal and I know that we’re making it work. No matter what anyone else says or thinks. Because they’re not us, they’re not in this situation. They simply can’t judge. Do not ever let other people affect you or your happiness.
6. You should have some kind of long term goal.
Having a goal or a plan is what gets me through all this. Mitchell wants to come to Germany to go to college and he is working a full-time job at the moment to be able to do so. It’s gonna be another year or year and a half until we can finally be together again on a regular basis and that seems like a long time sometimes BUT I know it’s gonna be over eventually. Until then we will try to see each other every two months, I’m actually gonna visit him in March (I’m so excited!!!). If you’re in a similar situation you might not be able to live together at the moment but you should definitely think about all the options you have. Maybe think about doing a semester abroad in your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s country/city? Or try to look for jobs there? Ask them if they could imagine moving to your country? There are so many different options and it’s not impossible to move to a different country anymore, it’s actually a common thing! Globalization has made it so much easier to connect and stay in touch with people from all over the world. Also, so many couples have made it work before, so why can’t you?
7. Don’t forget about the advantages.
You might be surprised now, but there are actually a few advantages! Having an American boyfriend has helped me improve my English so much. I speak English on a daily basis which is the best practice you can get, especially because (obviously) he’s a native speaker. Mitchell also knows a few German words already which is awesome too. I also think that you appreciate the other person a lot more and your time together becomes a lot more valuable if you live far away from each other. You start appreciating the little things, you don’t care about unnecessary things anymore and you just enjoy spending time together. As I mentioned before, you will be a lot more excited to see your significant other if you haven’t seen them for a few months and you will fight a lot less than you normally would.
I hope you guys liked my post and I was able to maybe even help or inspire some of you who might be in a similar situation. If you are and if you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment or send me an Email or dm me on my social media (Instagram). I hope you all had a lovely Valentine’s Day!
Mitchell, if you’re reading this – I love you so much.