The truth about ”choosing happiness”

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Ever since Instagram and social media in general became very popular, I’ve noticed and increasing amount of people, usually with a good amount of followers, who seem to think they have life figured out despite being very young, usually 25 and under. Now, that might actually be true in some cases, but being young myself and knowing other people my age I definitely know that at 19 or 20 or even 25 you’re still learning, still making new experiences, still figuring out who you are and what you want to do later on in life. Nevertheless, most of those people’s Insta-Pics come with extremely long captions basically talking about the meaning of life and all of its sides and facets, followed by hashtags like #inspiringquotes or #motivation. Before you all get me wrong now and think I’m hating on someone who just tries to spread love and positivity: Please hear me out. I’m all for good vibes and I think it’s great that so many people want to inspire others and make their lives better. But I just can’t help but think that some people are just following a trend, doing it for attention and so other people will say they are a ”good human being”. Again, I’m not saying that this applies to ALL of them, but there certainly is trend and you can’t deny that either.

Out of all the #inspiringcaptions that I’ve noticed already, there is one thing that keeps coming up and that seems to be extremely popular among all of those #inspiringinfluencers: And that is the phrase ”choose happiness”. You will also find quotes like ”Just smile, your day will be a lot better I promise!” or ”It’s all about your attitude. A positive attitude = a great life!”.Β  And yes, let’s say it’s a normal Tuesday morning, nothing exciting or shocking really happened in months or will happen anytime soon: Yes, I agree. Having a positive attitude and therefore choosing happiness will make your day a whole lot better as you see things from a brighter, more open-minded and positive point of view. If you get up in the morning thinking ”oh no, today I have to do this and that, and that person will probably be mean to me, I don’t wanna do it, etc.” your life will be harder and somewhat darker too.

BUT there’s a difference between ”normal days” and ”not so normal days” or even weeks, months or years. I recently lost someone very, very close to me which was by far the most horrible experience of my life and it will be a part of me forever. That person left such a big hole in my heart that no one will ever be able to fill again. And guess what guys? That’s okay. Feelings like that are okay. There’s absolutely no need to sugarcoat it or to cover it up with a thin layer of ”I’m fine, I’m still choosing happiness”- Make Up. Because I am not choosing happiness right now, I didn’t choose to lose that person, I didn’t choose to feel this way but I still do and it still happened. In a situation like this it’s simply impossible to just go ahead and ”choose happiness”. And to be honest, I don’t want to choose happiness at the moment. I want to grieve, I want to miss that person, I want my life to not be the same anymore because it’s not. Also, if you try not to feel it right now you’ll feel it later on, maybe in a few weeks, months or even years but believe me when I say: You’re going to feel it. And in life we do not always experience positive emotions, we also have to deal with the negative ones and learn from and grow with them.

The same thing applies to people who are suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses and of course physical illnesses as well. They don’t choose to feel this way, they don’t choose to get cancer but it affects their lives so much they can’t just pretend like it’s not there. They have to deal with it.

I am not saying that you are not allowed to be happy even when something bad happened to you. I’m not saying a person who was just diagnosed with cancer isn’t allowed to laugh. And if for some reason you can actually flip a switch and just choose to be happy, that’s awesome too! All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t let other people confuse you or make you think you should be smiling even though you don’t feel like it at all. Especially if those people never went through what you’re going through.

Of course, I have to say that in the end of the day you should try not to drown in your grief or in the fact that you’re sick or ill or whatever else it might be that keeps you from being happy at the moment. I don’t agree with the quote ”Just have a positive attitude, it will be the solve everything immediately” but I do believe that as long as you still have hope and you believe that even though something horrible happened to you there’s still a bright future ahead of you. Find something you can hold on to, something that makes life worth living and something that will make you happy again one day. And I promise you, that day will come.

Choose hope.

If you feel the need to talk about something, if you need some advice or just a shoulder to cry on, feel free to message me on my Instagram or just send me an E-mail (niessesther@gmail.com). I have been through quite a few dark times myself, that’s why I’d be happy to help.

Love, Esther

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5 thoughts on “The truth about ”choosing happiness”

  1. This is so important to remember! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Esther. ❀ It can be dangerous to our mental and even physical health to suppress negative emotions for the sake of staying optimistic and positive, and while I think it's awesome to have a happy outlook on life, we have to allow ourselves to experience grief and sadness sometimes so that we may be happy again. Things come our way in life we would've never chosen for ourselves, and we have to deal with it the right way. Burying it makes things hundreds of times worse. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, I know how hard it is to be grieving, I hope you will heal from this. xx
    You have such a lovely blog, I can't wait to see some other posts of yours!

    Liked by 1 person

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